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love you, mom...

The following scene was taking place almost 18 years ago. However, it still preciously stays in my memory as if it were just happening.

A 7-year-old little girl was browsing her wardrobe for a dress to go to Easter celebration at church. Her mom suddenly cropped up and told her that she had prepared a fancy gown for her. When the girl saw the peach gown her mom brought, however, she did not seem pleased to wear it, for she, as a matter of fact, did not like to wear a gown. She preferred casual dress with no lace on it. “Mom,” she said. “Are you sure I should be dressed in that kind of gown?” “Sure, why not? It’s beautiful for a little girl like you.” “I do not like the sponges of it on my shoulder.” “No problem, Mom will remove them for you. Just wait a second, Mom should do something else first.” The girl sat still, for a minute. Oww.., what a naughty and impatient girl she was. When she found her mom still not coming in another minute, she grabbed a scissor and started to remove the sponges by herself. And something fairly serious happened. She knew it. Before she could do something else, her mom turned up and saw her frightened face. “What happens, dear?” Absolutely startled and suddenly trembling, the girl said, “I’ve done it, Mom.” “Done what?” “I’ve removed the sponges, but then… there is, there is a tiny hole….” Her mom made a gasp and took the gown. There it was an obvious ‘tiny’ hole upon the sleeve of the gown. “Why didn’t you wait for Mom to do it?” said her mom furiously. “You definitely could not go to church with this gown! You’ve ruined it. What would you wear this evening?? How would you not obey your mom?? I bought it for you and you messed it up!!” The furious mom withdrew the awkward little girl, taking the ruined gown with her. Feeling undoubtedly guilty, sorry and sad, the little girl was sitting on her bed in silence. Then her little feet instinctively brought her to her mom’s room. Behind the door, she saw her mom sitting on her bed, seemingly crying. “Mom…,” called the little girl apologetically, and was nervously tiptoeing to approach her mom, who seemed not to hear her. However, when she was about to touch her mom’s hand, the hand suddenly grabbed her and hugged her. She even somewhat believed that she heard a quiet sob. The little girl stood frozen in her mom’s hug but felt suddenly comforted though she had really no idea about what was happening. No word of sorry, no mutter of apology. Yet one thing she could take it for sure, her mom had forgiven her for the naughty thing she did.

Yes. That is a piece of story about me and my mom years ago. Time flies so fast, eh? Now she will not furiously shout at me because of the same mistake. Well, the city’s preparation to look forward Mother’s day next two Sundays has reminded me to my mom. A mom as well as health critic as well as a best friend as well as a best secret keeper as well as impermanent enemy as well as Sunday school teacher as well as informal music teacher. Gosh, I miss her talkativeness – the way she asked me to have meal when I was young, the way she asked me to have a shower, the way she asked me to study because I was too lazy to do at that time, the way she expressed her curiousness on me when I got a call from a male friend, the way she agreed to keep my secret from my dad, the way she supported me to go to college in Surabaya even though that meant I would be away from her. Somehow I thought I have not done anything much for her. Yeah, admittedly even after she was seriously ill and could not be like she used to be, I often overlook her. I rarely give her a call either just to say hi or ask something to show that I care for her. I even said “I love you” to her just once in my lifetime. Too bad.

Few days ago, when I was walking on the street of the city, waiting for the tram, I stood in front of jewelry store taking an unintentional look on the display. A lot of fancy gold necklaces with lockets engraved by ‘I love you, Mum’ or ‘For Mum’ or ‘For Grandma’ or ‘Love you, Mum’ are attractively displayed. Jewelry could be a classy gift to a mother or grandmother in Mother’s day. And most of them are discounted. I would love to purchase one, though. It is plainly cheap. And moreover, they have reminded me to say ‘I love you’ to my mom.

My mom is not a perfect human. Sometimes she can make me sad, make me angry, make me upset, make me disappointed, make me think that she actually doesn’t love me. Yet, she is a perfect mom for me. How many times have I made her also sad (when I offensively refused to discuss a family matter with her), made her upset (when I did not call her for almost one month), made her disappointed (when I got bad marks during school time because I would not study as she asked me to do), made her think that I do not really love her at all (when I forgot to simply reply her message and refused to go home during holiday to see her), more than she did to me I suppose and she always forgives me. However, before the next two Sundays which is widely celebrated almost around the world as Mother’s day, I am going to call her just to say that I love her so much.

Have you told your mom that you love her even though sometimes she makes you seriously distracted? Well, tell her. Before it is too late to say.

Thursday, 4 May 2006
9:19 pm

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free

Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You're my friend

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

-taken from 'Mama' by Spice Girls

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