a virus so called jealousy

Have you ever been infected with this virus? In fact, millions of people around this world have been. I, on one hand, am one of them. A phrase such as neighbor's grass is greener than mine is sometimes so me.

For lots of time, I have accidentally slipped (believe it or not, it is an accident!) this virus into my mind. And once it was planted, it would rapidly spread inside your body - disturbing your dream, becoming so annoying and making your life even worse. Because when jealousy comes to knock your door and you open the door for it, I guess you should agree with me - that there's nothing it will bring but dislike and hatred.

A story below, was really my experience and I was so thankful that God lets me to spend time to make a reflection of it.

I was really envied of her life. Her with her son. Her with her husband. Her with her experience to manage all her housework alone far from family. She's been great. I had to admit it. Meanwhile, I deeply wanted to replace her position. I wish it were me. For many times, it had already planted in my mind (thanks for one of my cousin-in-law who taught me about making a competition among our children) that my son is the best - that no baby is as cute as him - that everybody will love him only. Not her son, not hers as well. And afterward, I would like to slap myself to remind me that that thought is so evil and not good.

Yet, is it wrong to be jealous? To be jealous when she took her son to the beach, while I could not do the same way (unless you consider Kenjeran is a good beach for children to play)? To be jealous when she took her son to the pool, while I could not do the same way (busy, busy, busy...)? To be jealous when she bought her son many toys which I could not find them here in Indonesia (or I could find them but with price beyond your mind and you could not buy them as a still-good second-hand item)? To be jealous that she actually has been succeeded to be a true housewife as well as a mother (she has managed all her houseworks at the same time with looking after her active baby, remember?), while I have to hire a maid to do the houseworks I could not do since I have to work? Is it wrong??

Well, yes, it is wrong, admittedly. And I have been in my quiet time to come to think about all the effect of the virus. The story I told above was only one thing. There are many other similar things with different people in which I let the virus of jealousy be planted in me. Then, I talked with my husband. He has been so wise this time. He said, life is not about to win and to lose. Life is about to share, to be happy with what you have, not with what you do not have. Children are not supposed to be taught to compete against each other, otherwise they will learn to be selfish and think only about their goodness's sake. He said, I may not be able to manage all the houseworks because I have to work and being a working mother is also something to be proud. I still can cook some food for my son, anyway. And I only need to hire a maid, who helps me out with those I could not do. I do not need to hire a baby-sitter who usually look after the baby for the whole day, every time, everywhere. God knows I would not stand if my own son gets too closer with his baby-sitter or the other people, rather than with his own mom.

On the other hand, I knew I will not be immune with this virus, but I still can prevent it to spread inside my whole body and infect my mind. Maybe... she was jealous of me too (hehehe), being far away from family could be something to miss as well.

Friday, 8 February 2007
9:37 am

ps: Ce, I knew I have been so envied of you and your life, but it will not change my love for you and your family. You have been my sister, even long before I ended up with 'him' (
You know what I mean , rite?). Your husband have been my brother as well. And your son, I'm sure, will be the best pal of my son.

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