smiling jessie

This week has almost passed. It’s a hard week for me, I am telling you. Now, on top of being useless creature, some people told me that I can hardly smile. Smiling is a simple thing, actually, but once I get bad day or troubles, it’s almost difficult for me to smile.

It was easy for me to smile, though. Yet, it turns out it is not easy at all to smile now. I just realize it, thanks to those who told me about my smiling problem.

And after all the bad things happen, I found out that I have to get myself back – becoming cheerful Jessie, smiling Jessie, ‘crazy’ Jessie, a girl who used to make people around her laughing. I told myself: get up, girl, don’t let anybody bring you down, you still have a life, the problems you are facing in your current workplace is no big deal, even if you’re fired, that is not the end of the world!

You know what? I am getting up and over. I will not let anybody bring me down. My problems in my current workplace are also no big deal AT ALL. And yes, it is not the end of the world if they fire me. It would even be good since I will have more time to continue my neglected writings. And maybe, that will be the time for me to get a better job here.

So? I am smiling….

Friday, 30 June 2006
12:59 pm


No, I haven't been fired yet. In fact, maybe no later than next month the boss will fire me. I messed around today. Gosh.

That's why I go online at the moment and start to look for another job.

Monday, 26 June 2006
12:25 pm

a useless creature

Help. I’m useless.

That’s true. I am totally useless here. I am a useless creature. Despite the fact that I have spent so much money in two days only as though I am the richest girl all over Melbourne, I am still a useless creature. A useless creature which happens to be always starved and eat everything offered (read: food). A useless creature which proudly admits she likes writing but in fact she has left her blog behind for a long, long time (just because someone said her writing is only for shit like blog not for a big competition that can bring a glory, a well-known name and money for you) and let herself play computer game all the time instead of finishing all tales she has started. And most of all, when this useless creature thought she has been pretty well through at her workplace, she is actually not. If she was once dealing with job seeking in the first place, she is now dealing with job performance.

Sorry, and one more thing: this useless creature becomes more useless since she is not doing ministry AT ALL, even in church. Meanwhile, four months ago her friends sang a song especially for her before leaving to Melbourne about ‘keep on doing ministry wherever she goes’ (sorry to disappoint you, friends…).

Now, I won’t hide. I want to be honest. I won’t be ashamed to confess how useless and parasite-like I am.

Two weeks ago my boss told me that I was no longer a slow dish-washer and asked me to do ‘kitchening’ in his second shops (he has two busy shops). He gave me two days training to observe what I should do in kitchen because I had to do all by myself in the following week. I was pretty confident when I came to the shop at the week – was ready to work in kitchen even during peak hours. And I didn’t do any significant mistake at that day. The second day, however, was worse – just because one component had to be replaced with another (too difficult to explain in here). The manager told me so. She said I was very good the day before and was very slow that day. What could I say? I did feel I was very bad that day. Then, at the following week, I was still put in the kitchen, I thought I did not do any big mistakes. So, is it a crime for me to ask my boss to work longer hours there? Then the boss told me that the manager in his second shop said I was still too slow to do anything except dish-washing, which has answered my request: he won’t allow me to work longer hours especially during peak hours. Nevertheless, I saw two new girls have quitted washing dishes after two weeks only and started to do something else except dish washing, like cashier, serving food, etc, while I, after two months working there, was still put at the back washing the dishes. Do you know what I feel? No, you do not because you were not me. Deep down in my heart I felt like A BIG FAT LOOSER.

On the other hand, I just feel it was so unfair, though. The first day I worked there, I had started to work, while the first day the new girl worked there, the boss only asked her to look around, observe what’s going on in the shops. He NEVER asked me to look around and observe first before start working.

Until now he only puts me in the morning shift with short working hours (3-4 hours a day). See? No wonder I feel like a useless creature. No wonder I feel like a parasite (the boss only kinds of help me working there, maybe he’s waiting for me to quit). No wonder I feel like a big fat looser.

Today I decide to look for another job. Perhaps it’s just better for both of us (me and my boss). I know my hubby is not too thrilled with this idea, but really, I just have to.

Besides, I just realize that after working in that place, I often come home and feel very tired to do everything, including writing and doing houseworks.

And, guys…, please pray for this useless creature. Please please please….

Sunday, 25 June 2006
10:36 pm

winter winter winter winter

The difficult things to do in winter:

1. Wake up early in the morning (the first sentence when my alarm rings in the mornings since winter is always: “I want to stay here forever!; it’s really, really nice under the warm blanket in winter);
2. Touch damned cold water (exception: taking a shower because I normally use hot water for it and it’s soooooo nice under the warm shower);
3. Urinate (especially when you have to wake up at midnight in the middle of your tight sleep just because of that f****** natural thing);
4. Avoid over-use heater for saving energy (the local government has warned its people to save energy, but I can’t help it);
5. Open fridge (but we still cannot avoid it on account of our needs over food supplies we keep in);
6. Undress and change clothes;
7. Keep my hands and the whole body warm (even though I have long-sleeve shirt, sweater and pocketed jacket altogether on!).

The easiest things to do in winter:

1. Sleep!
2. Sleep!
3. Sleep!
4. Drinking a glass of hot chocolate!
5. Sleep!
6. Sleep!
7. Take a shower!

The most favorite things to hold in winter:

1. sweater;
2. jacket;
3. beanie;
4. slipper;
5. heater;
6. blanket;
7. scarf.

What I wish to do in winter:

1. fly back to Indo or another warm place;
2. sleep all the time;
3. have free of charge of electricity fee during winter;
4. have remote control like Adam Sandler had in his latest movie ‘Click’;
5. bring my heater to everywhere I go;
6. consume hundred-glasses of hot chocolate or cappuccino or latte or espresso or anything hot!;
7. get under the warm shower all the time.

And this is just the beginning of winter…. Sob….

Tuesday, 6 June 2006
09:12 pm

pagi hari di rumah

Pagi hari di rumah
adalah waktu untuk diriku sendiri,
adalah waktu dimana tak seorangpun kan mengusik,
adalah waktu dimana suami tersayang sedang terlelap dibuai mimpi
Pagi hari di rumah
adalah waktuku untuk ditemani setangkup roti buatan sendiri
dan segelas minuman panas
Pagi hari di rumah
adalah waktu untuk diriku sendiri,
hanya untukku,
karena menit-menit itu akan segera berlalu,
meninggalkanku dengan setumpuk pekerjaan
Hingga malam menyapa
sambil minta ijin menontoniku dan suamiku berandai-andai

Pagi hari di rumah
adalah waktu untuk diriku sendiri
Jangan pernah mencurinya,
karena kau tak pernah tahu harga sebutir waktu untukku.

Friday, 2 June 2006
06:58 am