a fragile creature

Now right after we realize about the existence of a little child growing inside me, I find myself transforming into a fragile creature. I simply cannot do everything I usually do. Here is the list of what I should not do during my pregnancy especially in this first three months ahead:

That seems a simple thing to do, but honestly it is not as easy as it does. Now if I need to go to somewhere else by tram or train or bus, I cannot run after it. I mean, I usually run straight away to the tram stop if I see it coming so that I still can catch the tram and do not need to wait another ten or twenty minutes for the next tram coming.
Unfortunately at my current workplace, lifting is one of the main tasks to do. Every morning I have to remove the tables and the chairs to outside the shop by myself. Sometimes I have to take the big rice cookers after the rice have been well cooked and transfer the rice into the other boxes. Let me tell you, the cookers with the rice inside are pretty heavy to carry, yet I have got used to do it.
This also seems a simple thing to do, but again, I am telling you, it is not as easy as it does. If I am working for six to eight hours a day, I probably only have ten to fifteen minutes to have a seat. Yes, I have to stand for the rest hours. Actually it really doesn’t matter for me. Sometimes I don’t even feel tired not to take a seat for several hours, especially when we are busy in the shop.
Chilly is one of my favorite foods in the world. I cannot live without it. I know it sounds exaggerating, but it is true. I can have meal only with rice, raw cucumber and crushed chilly. Now I have to say good bye to it. However, the fact is I am not supposed to eat any food that I want. I cannot eat a too-spicy food nor a too-salty meal nor a too-sweet drink nor a too-everything which is called food or drink. I even cannot have my favorite half-cooked egg. All food that I would consume should be well cooked – should be well done. Otherwise, the food can harm my baby. Now all food seem monstrous to me. I even do not have desire at all to eat something.
Some readings said that a pregnant woman is not supposed to work hard. However, if I do not work hard, how can I earn some money? Call me crazy but sometimes I just like to be tired, because it means I have done something useful in my life – it means I am working out for our life. Right now, my hubby even does not let me wash the dishes. Actually I enjoy it. Not to wash the dishes, I mean. Yet it no longer feels enjoyable. It is like I suddenly become a big baby who cannot do anything but sleeping, eating, sitting, laying, and doing nothing.

Yesterday, I could not stand the whole thing that suddenly comes up before me. I yelled to my hubby and said: “I HATE SUDDENLY BECOMING A FRAGILE CREATURE!” Then, he gave me a sweet answer. He said: “It is not you who are a fragile creature. It is the little one growing inside you and you are just protecting it so that it can grow well.”

A slight pause.

I have to be honest to you. In the first place, it was hard for me to accept the baby inside me. I was not excited at all. We were not expecting it to come this soon. We are not ready in everything to welcome it. Yet, I know this little child is not mine. It belongs to my Dad. He wants me to take care of it in this world. He wants me to love it as unconditionally as He does to me.

After all, I often talk to the baby now. I let him/her listen to my favorite music (and he/she already knows Disney’s songs, Britney Spears, Hoobastank, Usher, Black Eyed Peas, Josh Groban and many more; hemmm, he/she can talk about music with you soon after he/she can speak). I let him/her know when I am going to work. I let him/her taste the crushed chilly I really love. I let him/her accompany me when I write. I let him/her read Tolkien’s book, The Lord of the Rings with me (who knows he/she will grow up as a great writer like Tolkien?) Deep inside my heart, I know the little child feels what I feel. He/she understands well my language, my feeling, my everything; as it is growing inside me, near my heart.

Tuesday, 25 July 2006
3:31 pm

Ps: I guess, the baby is going to be a musician, he/she always stops disturbing me when I sing or listen to the music! That is so weird!

1 komentar ajah:

Anonymous said...

Jes...makhluk yang tumbuh dalam dirimu itu anugerah dari Tuhan. Memang ada konsekuensi2 yang harus siap dihadapi. Aku paham. Tapi, yakin deh! Itu semua serasa ndak ada apa2nya dibanding saat kamu mendengar tangisan pertamanya kelak. Apalagi saat kamu bisa denger dia bilang : 'Mama', untuk pertama kalinya (doooh...kok aku kayak2 dah pengalaman ae huehehe). Btw, kalo mau anakmu jadi penyanyi, kamu mesti deket2 aku ama lydia huahahaha (narsis banget) :D