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Vinn's journey

Dua belas hari lagi my baby Vinn udah delapan bulan lohhh, ga kerasa ya? Udah gitu, tambah hari tambah gemesin aja dia. Aku dulu betah bener di kantor, males pulang kost. Kalo pulang cepet tuh berarti aku harus ngelesin ato ada acara di gereja *ohhh masa-masa itu... betapa ku merindukannya*. Sekarang malah pengen cepet-cepet pulang. Jujur aja sih, sebenernya masih belum feel like going home. Yahh... namanya juga masih numpang mertua... Pada doain aku ya supaya duit renovasinya ada dan renovasi bisa cepet selesai sehingga bisa cepet pindah rumah hehehehe. Nah, tapi karena pengen cepetan ketemu Vinn, ya biasanya aku pulang cepet. Sekarang ini Vinn udah teratur banget kegiatannya. Paling nggak teratur biasanya hari Minggu karena harus pergi ke gereja.

Ini nih jadwal kegiatan Vinn selama weekdays:

5-5.30 am : "Ngeeekkk.. ngeekkk... wawawaawa...." Artinya dia haus, minta mimik, jadi biasanya jam segitu dia ngasi. Tapi kalo lagi unlucky ya kadang-kadang jam 4 atau 4.30 pagi dia minta mimik juga, jadi aku ngasi sambil ngantuk-ngantuk gitu hehehe. Abis itu dia tidur lagi.
6.30-7 am: Kalo udah ga ngantuk, dia buka mata trus mikir kali ya... "Kok sepi banget... yahhh daddy and mommy still sleeping, bikin rame ahhh....". Abis gitu, "Ngeeekkkk... ngeeekkkk wawawawawa..... hueeeeeee....." Padahal kaga ada apa-apa. Dia cuman mau bangunin daddy and mommy-nya ajah. Tapi sekarang mommy-nya bangun lebih pagi, karena harus siapin makan siang Vinn juga kan. Jadi jam segini dia bangun trus dimandiin mommy-nya.
7-7.30 am: Time to have breakfast!!!!! Breakfast-nya Vinn mah cuman biskuit ama air putih, kadang-kadang ditambah jeruk. Heran juga, kalo breakfast, makannya ga terlalu banyak tuh. Kayak orang bule aja ya. Mereka kan kalo breakfast cuman makan roti ama kopi doang ato cereal.
7.30-8 am: Mommy-nya berangkat kerja. Biasanya *menurut laporan nih*, Vinn maen2 bentar gitu lah. Apalagi dia sekarang udah ga bisa diem. Maunya gerak mulu. Yang mau crawling lah (yang ini namanya commando crawling, karena doi baru bisa angkat pantat trus maju tapi kepalanya masih ditaru trus nyundul-nyundul, lucuuuuu...), yang mau berdiri lah, yang mau pegang semua barang yang di dekatnya lah. Abis itu, kalo udah capek, doi tidur. Tidurnya bisa sampe jam 9-an gitu deh.

10-10.30 am: Morning tea!!!!!! Nyem nyem nyemmm.... udah beberapa hari ini, snack yang mommy sediain disikat abis ama Vinn. Mulai dari pisang, pear, pear rebus, apel rebus. Abissss.... doyan buah neh anakkk... Tapi kok kadang-kadang masih hard poo ya? Vinn ga terlalu doyan paw-paw sih... Nah, buah-buah ini biasanya ditambahin susu formula 120 ml (heran juga, padahal seumur dia seharusnya 180 ml, tapi suka nggak habis tuh kalo dikasi lebih dari 120 ml)
10.30 am-1 pm: Nah ini... waktu-waktu yang biasanya kombinasi antara napping dan playing.
1-1.30 pm: Lunchhhh.... Dulu tiap kali dibuatin lunch, Vinn musti ngomel waktu disuapin. Dan seringnya kudu yang sabarrrr banget biar makanannya abis, padahal porsinya ga banyak-banyak amat. Palingan dua sampe tiga sendok makan. Tapi sejak beli blender baru, trus nyobain resep-resep baru dari cicik ipar yang di aussie (jadi menunya baby aussie nih... bukannya nggaya lhooo abis jauh lebih gampang daripada bikin menu buat baby-nya orang indo), juga panduan buku, akhirnya sodara-sodara, lunch yang aku sediain dilalap abis pula oleh Vinn. Haduh haduh... ga keru-keruan deh perasaan ini... antara seneng dan bangga. Wah wah wah....

1.30 -4 pm: Playing lagi trus bobok bentar. Abis itu nunggu mommy pulang kerja, hehehehehe.
4-4.30 pm: Mommy pulang kerjaaaa... hurrayyyyy!!!! Mandeeeee biar segerrrrrr.
4.30-5 pm: Kalo mommy ga pulang telat trus cuacanya bagus, biasanya jalan-jalan di deket perumahan situ sama Vinn. Say hi to neighbours, biar Vinn juga liat-liat ada temen-temen diluar sana yang bisa diajak kenalan, hehehehehe. Padahal selama ini tiap kali diajak jalan-jalan mah jarang banget ketemu bayi seusia Vinn. Biasanya toddler ato malah teen. Yang lalu malah ada emak-emak keluar sambil tereak-tereak dari dalam rumahnya panggil-panggil. Aku pikir dia panggil-panggil tukang roti yang lewat, ternyata manggil aku. Dia pengen liat Vinn. Udah beberapa kali kita lewat depan rumahnya, dia mo panggil ga sempet mulu. Dia bilang Vinn lucu dan ganteng *ini katanya lhooo bukan kata mommy-nya*, udah gitu nyenengno. Lha wong diajak ngomong orang asing ga nangis blassss. Ada khawatirnya juga sih... lha kan sekarang lagi musim penculikan anak tuh... bahaya kan?? Aduh, jangan deh, Tuhannn... bisa stress berat akuuu.
5-5.30 pm: Playing with mommy in our bedroom (tapi kadang-kadang ngasi juga sih, buat snacking, kan jarak waktunya panjang tuh dari lunch ke dinner)!!! Biasanya Vinn aku biarkan diatas ranjang. Mau jungkir balik kek, mau commando crawling kek, mau duduk kek. Tapi yang istimewa sih sekarang doi dipegang tangannya tau-tau udah berdiri. Tapi kalo ditaruh di box-nya, dia baru bisa setengah berdiri sambil pegangan pinggirannya box. Kalo ditaruh berdiri, dia bisa berdiri sendiri beberapa detik, eh, udah semenitan kemaren kok... hehehehhehe.
5.30-6 pm: Nah ini... biasanya waktu-waktu gini bikin Vinn ngomel dan boring, karena mommy-nya harus siapin dinner buat Vinn dan lunch Vinn keesokan harinya. Jadi Vinn suka takbiarin duduk di high-chair kadang-kadang ditemenin mbak-nya ato granny-nya sambil nonton Avatar di tivi. Pokoknya ga boleh sinetron!
6-6.30 pm: It's my dinner!!!! Kalo dulu maem aja bisa ngomel sepanjang waktu maem, sekarang lap lep lap lep... nyemmmmmm uenakkkk... mommy pinter masak juga ya.. bwahahahaha padahal masak makanannya Vinn tu gampang banget. Tinggal potong2, rebus, kasih dikitttt banget garam - yang beryodium ya.. jangan garam desa (particular recipe lho ya...) ato kasi keju (particular recipe juga), trus di-blend ato di-mash. Vinn kalo maem gitu bisa keringetannn aje gile... sampe aku kasihan ngeliatnya. Mommy-nya aja kalo makan pedes banget ga sampe keringetan, tapi yang ini mah kayaknya nurun dari daddy-nya kali... Daddy-nya kalo maem juga keringeten.

6.30-7.30 pm: Cooling down.... Ganti baju (karena biasanya belepotan banget meskipun udah pake bib) sekalian pake nappy dan pajama, trus nurunin makanan. Maen-maen ama daddy-nya.

7.30-8 pm: Minta ama mommy-nya karena mulai ngantuk tapi blom mau bobok.
8-8.30 pm: Mulai ngantuk, rewel trus minta ngasi. Aneh ya? Padahal maemnya lumayan banyak lho... tapi kalo mo bobok kudu asi dulu, kalo ga, ga mungkin bobok. Tapi kalo udah bobok ya sampe pagi. Paling-paling malem-malem gitu bangun cuman pengen mimik dikit karena haus.
8.30-9 pm: Mulai tidur deh...
9 pm keatas: Sepiiiiiii!!! Tinggal berdua dengan daddy-nya. Waktu buat ortu!!! Bwahahahaha. Phew! Kalo udah gini, legoooo gitu dehhhh....

Oya, gigi Vinn sekarang udah dua, muncul di gusi bawah. Hehehehe. Lucu banget! Kayak kwaci! Bedanya ini putih, kalo kwaci kan item. Karena ada giginya itu, kadang-kadang tanganku digigit, sendok makan juga digigit, kalo dimasukin suka sulit keluar karena digigit itu, hehehehe. Tapi Vinn udah ga mau teether-nya. Biasanya kalo dikasi teether cuma bentar doang, abis itu dibuang cari yang lain. Udah tau kali ya kalo itu boong-boongan, kaga bisa dimakan. Waktu itu malah Vinn aku kasi roti tawar! Gara-garanya dia liat aku maem roti tawar trus mukanya mupeng gitu sampe ngiler. Jadi aku kasi, trus ada sepotong kecil masuk mulutnya, dimaem, dikunyah-kunyah gitu trus ditelen. Untung ga choking.

Vinn juga udah mulai berdiri sendiri. Waktu itu granny-nya lagi goda-godain Vinn di atas ranjang. Trus tangan Vinn mencengkeram rambut granny-nya kuat-kuat, trus berdiri dehhh. Granny-nya sampe terbengong-bengong gitu, kombinasi antara kesakitan karena rambutnya ditarik ama Vinn supaya dia bisa berdiri dan kaget karena liat cucunya berdiri sendiri untuk pertama kalinya. Sekarang kalo Vinn berdiri trus dua tangannya aku pegangin, kakinya udah mulai belajar stomping. Ga tau belajar dari mana.

Babble-nya Vinn juga udah banyak. Kadang-kadang: bbbrrrrrr... gaga... mbmbmbmb... heeeeeee (yang ini ditengah-tengah itu nadanya ditinggikan trus akhirnya direndahkan, ini biasanya terjadi kalo tingkat kebosanannya dia udah mulai tinggi) dedede, aoo, trus yang bikin sakit hati, dia udah dua kali bisa bilang: hediiii... (yang pertama ga sengaja, yang kedua emang beneran dia mo panggil daddy-nya). Tuh kan... daddy-nya dulu yang dipanggil. Padahal kan dia lebih banyak sama mommy-nya. Hiks...
Wah udah deh... ngomongin Vinn tu ga bakalan habis.. alhasil ntar aku juga jadi ga kerja-kerja hohohohoho. Pokoknya... I'm a happy mom with a happy little lad!!!! Thank You, Lord for giving me such a wonderful boy!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2007
9:51 am

mad maids


Now, let's consider this. I am now employed as Coordinator of Training and Web at my workplace. My main job is to make sure that students who really seek to graduate with extra supporting skills are well trained in our monthly program. I have conducted lots of trainings which have discussed issues such as leadership, public speaking, how to survive in the occupational world, assertiveness, etc. However, up to now, I have had two maids already in five months and both of them ended up to resign. The third (current one) is nearly at the end of her spirit, which means there have already signs from her to resign soon. The first one resigned because she could not manage with my mother-in-law's maid (she is a tough and smart girl actually, but sometimes could be very annoying and moody). The second one, as mentioned in the previous posting, resigned because she did not really enjoy looking after a busy baby like mine. The third one (the current one) is a 14-year-old girl with a rather small body. She is just ok to work out her tasks, but I don't know, maybe she is too young to work as a maid in a big city like Surabaya. I mean, as a matter of fact, she should continue her education, anyway. She dropped out her high school to work for me. I did not ask her, do not misunderstand, she offered herself, but now... . It is just ironic, isn't it? My main job is to conduct trainings of how to survive in occupational world, while my own maids could not survive in their occupational world. It is just... weird and mad. I am almost sick to again and again waste my time teaching another new maid about their tasks. I desperately need one who likes her job and does not intend to work in few weeks or months only!

But... I think, to get the right one, I have to wait till I move in to my own house. Do you agree?

Tuesday, 30 October 2007
10:09 am

my problems vs my Creator

These last weeks seemed unfriendly with me. It was like you were stuck with something but you could not help it. You had to face it, tougher, better. I thought I was tough, but now I think I am not. And I felt nobody was there - even my hubby. Oh well, please do not misunderstand, I am not intending to tell you how bad my hubby treated me, no. I am not blaming the condition of my business as a mother who has to look after a busy baby like Vinn as well. It's just... me.

I had been quite stressful lately. Few weeks ago, our church held a week of family (pekan keluarga). This event was opened with a play by Imaji theater, in which I actively involved sometimes as a script provider and a player. This time, I got a chance to play on stage for it. As a matter of fact, I knew already the consequence of it. There would be exhausting days to rehearsal and it would not be easy at all for me. Sometimes I was forced to leave Vinn at home to go to the rehearsal which made me not really focus on the rehearsal. And the bad effect was that after playing my part, I asked Erwin to come home immediately. One day, one of the players had her birthday. My friends planned to give a little surprise for her. They bought a cake and candles for each one of us. The surprise would be taken place right after the rehearsal, which meant around 10.30 pm. I decided not to join them because I just wanted to come home as soon as possible to make sure that Vinn was fine and I thought I was not really close with the birthday girl. Erwin, on the other hand, actually wanted to stay for several minutes to join to give the surprise for her. He was quite upset on the way home. He said, I was changed. I no longer cared with my friends, because he thought I used to be the one who loved those kinds of occasions. I was mad when he said that at the time. I was tired, I was worried of Vinn and I wanted to come home, what's wrong of that? But then, at home, after Vinn was asleep and I was no longer under pressure, I was thinking about what Erwin said about me - that I had been changed into a indifferent creature after all. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had been changed. And I had to confess that the news made me feel worse about myself.

A few weeks later, my maid gave me another problem. She asked to resign and would not come back after lebaran. I actually liked this girl. She was diligent, helpful and patient. She was also never being impolite or something. Yet, she did not really enjoy looking after a baby. So, she was back to her hometown and lived with her parents again and did not mind looking after their cow. Sigh.... I asked her to come back, but she had made her decision. Then, I asked my mother-in-law (MIL)'s maid to come back with someone from her hometown who is willing to work for me looking after Vinn during my working hours. I was too afraid not to get a new maid after all. And I hated to be afraid of not-getting-a-new-maid-would-be-a-big-deal-for-me. I do not want to be dependent with a maid in looking after my baby, but I indeed need one.

Then, during the lebaran holiday (my hubby got eight-days-off and I a week-off), I was again stuck at home doing the houseworks and looking after my baby who's got cold for a few days. This was the first time for both of us (me and my baby) to struggle together dealing with his sickness. Vinn's got fever in two days, and in the following day, he started to cough and sneeze, which led me to force him swallowing a bitter powder to recover his cold and a tasteless syrup to reduce his cough. Somehow I was tired and wanted to give up, but thank goodness, I was keeping on it. Vinn was getting better as well and today his health had already recovered.

At work, I have been grappling with this month's career article which has to be finished by next Monday. I never thought that writing an article after doing the interview will be this desperate. I usually write a short-story or a journal, but this.... has made me burnt out after all. I mean, four paragraphs only in four days? I must be crazy....

At home, I could not avoid another problems. It seems like problems never stop to chase me out.

However, in the tough weeks, nearly at the end of my serious fatigue, last Monday my boss (I work in the same room with my boss) played the same song over and over. The title of the song is 'Kaulah harapan' (You are the hope). Here is the refrain:

Kupandang wajahMu dan berseru, pertolonganku datang dariMu
(I look at Your face and cry out, the help comes from You)
Peganglah tanganku, jangan lepaskan, Kaulah harapan dalam hidupku
(Hold my hand, never let me go, You are the hope in my life)

I have brought the tune of the song to home and unintentionally hummed that song over and over again. On the following day I was asked to lead a staff fellowship last Tuesday. The topic was taken from the book of 'The Purpose of Driven Life' by Rick Warren, which was called: Developing Your Friendship with God. For you who have finished this book, please do not laugh at me because yes, I haven't finished this book. And you know what, by reading the chapter of it, I knew why I was nearly fatally burnt out. I did not develop my friendship with God, actually I even did not try to reach Him every time I should need Him. The reading told me that I have a privilege to be God's friend and more than that, a friend who can actually complain, be angry, accuse or even grumble to Him. I did not take the privilege. I have lost the passion of having relationship with Him. That explained of me being stressful lately - like having no tomorrow nor better day either. Besides, on the very same day, I read the Daily Bread in http://www.sabda.org/ and the title of the day was 'Teruslah Tertawa' (Keep on Laughing). Underneath, there was a quote: SUKACITA DATANG DARI TUHAN YANG HIDUP DALAM DIRI KITA BUKAN DARI SESUATU YANG TERJADI DI SEKITAR KITA (Happiness comes from God who lives in us, not from things that happen around us). It was like being slapped. I was desperately burnt out because every single thing that happened around me and my worst mistake has been that I DID NOT ASK GOD TO HELP ME THROUGH THESE PROBLEMS!! As though it was not enough to help me out through my problems, God gave another passage to comfort me. Today's passage was taken from Psalm 42 and I would like to highlight verse 11: Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Yes, for me the whole problems which had chased me out are a matter of hope. I no longer have full hope in Him. All I do lately is worried, worried, worried and worried. It was like I did not trust Him to look after us. It was like for weeks I had let the problems overcome me and shielded me from His nurture. Erwin was right. I had changed. I used to happy all the time with all I am and let no problems overcome me longer than one day. Yet, these difficult weeks led me to finally find out how far I have been to Him. I do not like to confess that Jessie is now no longer a happy girl but at least I am more than willing to return to me naturally.

Dear Father, thank You for every single thing You have done to make me realize that I can still come to You, hope of You and trust You to look after me and my beloved people. Amen.

Friday, 26 October 2007
3:10 pm

to: my sister as well as bestfriend

Surabaya, 30 September 2007

Dear you,

I sincerely hope you read this posting. Not because this posting would be an interesting writing for you nor a good literature, but I simply want to say something which I should have done last week. I know you sometimes drop by and read my journals even though I sometimes does not expect much for many people to read my blog. However, I am now glad you do that.

You knew, happy as I was when they asked me to be the MC on that day and happy as I was too when I knew you would be one of my partners again yesterday night. I knew too well that you are very talented in that way. Yet, I had to say that I was disappointed of what you did. I was disappointed because I did not expect you to do that. I thought you knew that it was not a good thing to do especially in that special occasion. I thought you knew that doing what you did could be the biggest mistake ever you might have done. I thought you knew that you had to be prepared when you said 'yes' for doing that. I thought you KNEW - after all we had been through together.

Oh well, I knew that you had a problem at that time - maybe a SUPER-BIG problem which made you unable to give your smile to everyone. You know what, I did also have problems, but I CHOSE to act that everything was fine - that I was really prepared for that time. You could call me hypocrite but at least by doing that, I did not make everyone upset of me. And it made me feeling better, anyway. A little sincere smile can change the world to be a better place, do you believe that? It occurs vice versa - that a frowned face can also change the other people's mood. This world has been bad enough without you making it worse to live at.

I heard you snapped at someone at that time - that you were being moody (and perhaps that is one of your temperament), and so what? Should you have expressed that frowned face? Get over it. Having known your details of temperaments cannot be an excuse, mate! I noticed that you have smiled already the next few days when you're doing the same thing you did last Saturday, but time never returns. People who came yesterday night maybe are always under the impression that you are not a pleasant individual to make friend with, while actually I think of the other way around. I think you are pleasant enough to be a friend. That's why I call you a sister as well as best-friend.

Maybe you're angry to me when you read this posting, but I do not care, I know you will consider it. I write this posting not because I want to say bad things about you, but because I simply love you.

You are in the leader position, mate and it is not easy, but I know you can do it. You are not alone. HE be with you. Always. Me too.

with lots of love,
your sister

Thursday, 4 October 2007
4:18 pm