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ramuan cina dan vinn


Dengan ini saya nyatakan bahwa SAYA TIDAK SUKA BAU MINYAK TAWON ATAU BANLENG. Biarpun ramuan-ramuan ini sakti adanya untuk P3KTD2 (Pertolongan Pertama Pada Kecelakaan Tanpa Dokter Dulu).

Jangan salah. Saya bukannya benci dengan ramuan obat cina ini. Saya malah punya masing-masing satu di rumah. Sejak punya bayi, it seems quite handy for me to have these traditional medicine at home. Hanya saja baut obat-obatan cina ini selalu mengingatkan saya pada kejadian jatuhnya Vinn yang pertama, kedua, ketiga dan keempat.

Yes. Vinn sudah jatuh empat kali. Yang pertama dari ranjang saat saya sedang berdua saja dengannya di rumah. Waktu libur lebaran. Yang keuda juga dari ranjang pada suatu pagi dan saya sedang diluar menyiapkan mandinya. Waktu itu daddy-nya memang jatuh tertidur dan tiba-tiba saja Vinn sudah di kolong ranjang. Yang ketiga terjadi pada hari Natal saat kami semua sedang makan siang bersama. Vinn sedang duduk di atas highchair-nya lalu tanpa kami ketahui bagaimana, ia tiba-tiba sudah dibawah lagi. Yang keempat terjadi empat hari setelah yang ketiga. Kejadiannya di pagi hari juga, saya dan daddy-nya sedang tidur ketika terdengar suara sesuatu yang jatuh dengan keras. Buk. Dan tangisan Vinn menggelegar. Kali ini lebih lama, lebih keras dan lebih menyayat. Kepalanya sebelah kanan benjol sebesar telur ayam. Tiap kali disentuh, ia selalu menangis tanda bahwa itu menyakitkan.

Setiap kali Vinn jatuh, banleng dan minyak tawon selalu rajin saya oleskan di bagian-bagian yang benjol atau biru atau memar. Karena itu bagi saya, banleng atau minyak tawon identik dengan jatuhnya Vinn.

Jadi mengerti kan mengapa saya benci setengah hidup bau ramuan-ramuan cina itu? Bukan saja karena baunya yang memang tidak enak, tapi lebih mengingatkan saya atas kecerobohan kami sebagai orang tua.

Monday, 31 December 2007
8:24 pm

me on mother's day


Mother's day in Indo is commonly celebrated today on 22nd of December. And now I came to think about what is the real meaning of it to me.

22nd of December used to be the one which reminded me of few years ago when I was a freshman in college. First thing you usually face once you enter a college is to get prepared of the orientation program for freshmen. Fortunately, the program in my college is not as rough as the other colleges (read: state university). They usually learn about Christian ethics and value (mine is a Christian university) in their activities during the program. Every freshman also needs to attend in national ceremonies during the first year as one of the requirements to have their graduation day. Mother's day turned out, at my year, to be included as one of those ceremonies. On the very same year I became a freshman and needed to attend the Mother's day ceremony, I decided no to do. I decided to go home to my hometown. Which had resulted I had to attend one whole year of national ceremonies either during my sophomore, junior or senior year. Silly, isn't it? But that always makes the following Mother's Days as special as my best-friend's birthday - to remind me of my silliness.

22nd of December also reminds me of my poor memory to always say 'I Love You' to my mom. For your information, it is not an usual thing for us, Indonesian people just to say 'I Love You' either to our own parents or children, not to mention of the other family. It is easier to say so to our new boy/girlfriend. I have no idea, why. I am trying to put the habit of saying 'I Love You' in my family. However, my mom never asks, "What do you want? Extra pocketmoney?" whenever I said 'I Love You' to her, that's what my dad did, anyway. My mom always said, "Yeah. Me too."

This year, Mother's Day has reminded me of a new thing - a new life I am living with. My son. Being a mother is not easy, yet is quite fun. There is an irreplaceable special connection between me and him. Yet, I know one thing still the same - that he has been sent from up above to be God's assistant to make me a better woman - a better human being.

Happy Mother's Day!! I love you, Mom!!

Saturday, 22 December 2007
7:51 pm

why Jesus is better than santa claus


Santa lives at the North Pole
Jesus
is everywhere


Santa
rides in a sleigh

Jesus
rides on the wind and walks on the water


Santa comes but once a year
Jesus
is an ever-present help


Santa
fills your stockings with goodies

Jesus
supplies all your needs


Santa
comes down your chimney uninvited

Jesus
stands at your door and knocks and then enters your heart when invited


You have to wait in line to see Santa

Jesus
is as close as the mention of His name


Santa
lets you sit on his lap

Jesus
lets you rest in His arms


Santa
doesn't know your name, all he can say is, "Hi, little boy or girl, what's your name?"

Jesus knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are in our heads.

Santa
has a belly like a bowl full of jelly

Jesus
has a heart full of love


All Santa can offer is HO HO HO

Jesus
offers health, hope and love


Santa
says, "You better not cry..."

Jesus
says, "Cast all your cares on Me for I care for you."


Santa
's little helpers make toys

Jesus
makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repair broken homes and build mansions


Santa may make you chuckle, but...
Jesus
gives you joy that is your strength


While Santa puts gifts under your tree
Jesus
becomes our gift and died on a tree


JESUS
is still the reason for the season. Jesus is FAR better. Even than Santa Claus.


taken from:
Jemari page 2@ Desember 2007


HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND SPLENDID NEW YEAR!!
from: jc, win & vinn


Wednesday, 19 December 2007
12:14 pm

the world of weirdos


Isn't it weird if you said that you love you partner but it is far easier for you to shout lots of horrible words at him or her while you speak to the others with a good manner?

Isn't it weird if you said that you love your partner but it is very difficult for you just to give him or her a sincere smile and a willingness to do something simple, while it is easy for you to do something big for others?

Isn't it weird if you said that you love your partner but you barely spend your limited time on earth with him or her and prefer do activities which exclude him or her?


Welcome to the world of weirdos, everybody....

Saturday, 15 September 2007
10:56 pm

sent from california


Having read my post, a friend sent me a message. Turned out, he would like to give some comments but not a short one. It was a brief opinion of his considering what I have written.

This is what he said.
... Menurutku, yup, aku setuju banget dengan berbagai masalah yang harus diatasi oleh rakyat Indonesia dan semua masalah yang kamu sebutkan adalah valid dan aku setuju sekali dengan masalah-masalah yang kamu beberkan di atas. Dan jujur aku juga seringkali sakit hati dengan perlakuan semena-mena seperti diserobot waktu antri, atau rokok di sembarangan, dan kerakusan-kerakusan orang yang gak tahu diri. Sering aku misuh-misuh gara-gara hal itu.
Tapi semakin aku pikir dan sering aku merasa sedih dengan hal-hal semacam ini, masalah sebenarnya adalah jurang yang begitu besar antara kaya dan miskin. Budaya antri untuk orang-orang yang miskin dan kurang pendidikan adalah budaya yang absurd. Karena mereka, notabene, sudah berpuluh tahun “antri” “kuwe” kemerdekaan dan keadilan yang merata yang namun tidak pernah mereka dapatkan. Kekayaan dan sumber-sumber kemakmuran, hidup sejahtera, dan hidup seperti yang disajikan di tayangan sinetron bagi mereka adalah “fairy tale” yang hanya bisa dinikmati yang kaya dan yang berkuasa.
Juga masalah pembelajaran yang tidak pernah habis, namun bagaimana bisa belajar bila perut tidak diisi, dan keadilan tidak pernah terjadi. Korupsi adalah tanda bahwa keadilan itu masih belum terwujud. Aku lihat polisi di US tidak bakal mau korupsi atau disuap, karena gajinya saja sudah sangat besar per tahun bisa mencapai $70.000. Makan sogok, bisa hilang kesejahteraan mereka. Polisi di Indo harus makan suap kalau tidak bagaimana mereka bisa membiayai keluarga mereka dengan gaji yang sangat minim. Juga kalo omong soal supir bis atau bemo yang kejar setoran setiap hari. Di US lagi-lagi gaji supir bis tinggi sekali, jadi ngapain juga ngejar setoran, nggak ngejar makan sudah terjamin empat sehat lima sempurna. Lagi-lagi masalah keadilan.
Terus terang memang pemerintah korup, kroni-kroni, penguasa yang haus darah dan harta adalah yang membuat semua pemerataan, keadilan, dan kemiskinan semakin menjadi-jadi. Aku terus terang sudah muak dengan semua itu. Tapi sekali lagi, janganlah terlalu membandingkan dengan negara barat seperti US atau Ausie. Banyak sekali faktor politik yang kedua negara ini mainkan di negara kita yang juga membuat aku muak. Salah satu professorku berbicara betapa korupnya negara Amrik ini sekarang, dan begitu banyak pemberian untuk negara lain yang harus ada “string attached”-nya. Memberi dengan balasan.
Aku yakin bakal lama sekali membenahi Indonesia, tapi aku yakin masih ada harapan. Aku sampai sekarang tidak pernah berhenti berpikir tentang Indonesia, dan satu sisi dalam hatiku aku masih berharap suatu saat bakal pulang dan ikut dalam perjuangan ini. Siapa tahu???
~ v.a.s. 2007 ~

For me, perhaps it's quite difficult for me to admit that I do love my homecountry, Indonesia. Yet, on the other hand I quite agree with my friend that one day, it's just getting better. The people, the government, the system.... However, I would like to admit one thing for sure. It might have been the people who make this country sucked, but I do not want to be one of those people. A better environment started with one person followed by the others. Let us be the first one!

Wednesday, 12 December 2007
11:53 am

To my brothie: C.A.P
Many happy returns!! God bless you to be a better man, son, brother, friend and servant.

me against racialism


Coba bayangkan diri saya:
- tubuh kecil
- mata sipit
- kulit kuning
- rambut ikal

Orang-orang bilang saya keturunan tionghoa padahal sumpah pemuda (daripada sumpah mati? ya tho?) saya ga bisa ngomong mandarin. Nggak usah bahasa mandarin, sekedar nggocap, nggoceng, nggomban aja saya masih harus mikir dulu. Kalah sama penjual sayur di pasar yang katanya bukan keturunan tionghoa. Dulu malah waktu saya lagi beli oli di bengkel dekat kost-kostan, saya tanya berapa harganya sama bapak yang jual. Bapak itu kulitnya legam, matanya membelalak lebar, berkumis. Khas orang Indonesia asli, bukan? Tapi... dia menyebutkan harga oli itu dengan bahasa macam nggocap, nggoceng dan nggomban! Buset dah, jawab pake bahasa indonesia aja nape? Pusing tujuh keliling-lah saya karena yang diucapkan itu sama sekali tidak terdengar familiar di kuping. Jadi dengan alasan ambil duit dulu di kost, berteriaklah saya pada seluruh teman-teman kost. Begini teriak saya: "Ada yang tau, bunyi ini artinya apa ga???" Nah, karena saya cuma mencoba menirukan dan belum tentu yang aku tirukan itu sama dengan ucapan bapak tadi, alhasil teman-teman kost tidak berhasil meredam kepanikanku. Ada teman menyarankan: "Tanya aja ama bapaknya, kali dia ngawur!" Lah, iya kalo ngawur? Kalo bener? Kan malu saya! Akhirnya saya ambil uang 20rb-an dari dompet dengan asumsi harga oli nggak sampe segitu-lah. Ternyata harganya 18rb. Lah canggih bener kan bapaknya?

Nah, with my poor mandarin kalo ditanya saya ini orang apa ya saya jawab: orang Pekalongan atau Indonesia dong! atau yang jelas bukan orang-orangan. Jarang sekali saya menjawab: tionghoa keturunan. Tapiiii... saya ingat, saya pernah sakit hati betul waktu dulu saya pulang sekolah semasa SMP naik becak di hometown saya tiba-tiba ada tole-tole (panggilan orang jawa tengah untuk anak laki-laki) naik sepeda lewat di samping becak dan berteriak: "Dasar cino!" Wuah, rasanya hati ini panas dan pengen ngelempar sepatu ke tole-tole itu. Pernah juga saya diteriakin: "Cino!" Sampai saya kudu mengelus dada dan bertanya-tanya: Kalo saya cino memangnya kenapa? Apa harus diteriakin kayak maling? Saya juga nggak pernah neriakin mereka "Jawa!", lha wong menurut saya semua orang biarpun suku bangsa beda-beda itu sama saja. Sama-sama manusia! Memangnya saya minta dilahirkan dengan mata sipit, kulit kuning dan memang keturunan cina (yang tidak bisa bahasa cina, malah lebih mahir berbahasa jawa)?

Teman saya pernah bertanya sama saya: Kriteria cowok lu kayak apa sih?. Dengan lantang saya menjawab: SEIMAN! Dia tanya lagi: Kalo bukan chinese tapi seiman, gimana?. Ya saya jawab lagi dengan nada sedikit bercanda: Ya nggak papa, yang penting ganteng. Emang yang ganteng cuman chinese doang?. Dia tanya lagi: Emang pernah naksir orang bukan chinese? Ya saya jawab: Pernah. Anak band tuh dia. Cakep. Dia ngeliat saya jadi agak aneh gitu, terus tanya lagi: Tapi lu kawinnya tetep sama orang chinese.... Lah, tambah aneh kan pertanyaannya? Ya cinta saya mendarat ke dia trus mo gimana? Saya cinta pacar yang sekarang jadi suami saya bukan karena dia keturunan china, tapi karena apa yang ada pada dia itu melengkapi apa yang ada pada saya! Dan yang terpenting, kami SEIMAN.

Dan saya tetap terheran-heran pada orang Indonesia. Beda suku bangsa kok jadi masalah. Beda warna kulit kok mau disamakan (lihat aja tuh iklan-iklan produk kulit). Beda agama kok suka berantem dan saingan. Aneh... aneh... aneh....

Tahu nggak kenapa pelangi itu indah? Karena warna pelangi nggak hanya satu, tapi banyak.

Thursday, 29 November 2007
11:32 am

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
(Martin Luther King)

hal-hal aneh di indonesia

Pulang dari Australia, saya semakin merasa bahwa kebiasaan-kebiasaan orang Indonesia ini aneh adanya. Sekali lagi, bukannya saya nggaya karena baru pulang dari luar negeri. Sebelum berangkat pun saya sudah merasakan keanehan-keanehan itu sih, tapi begitu melihat dunia luar Indonesia, saya semakin merasa aneh.

Hal-hal aneh itu antara lain:

1. Sebagai negara yang suka berkoar-koar tentang pornografi (yang objek utamanya jelas cewek! Cewek yang ga boleh begini, cewek yang ga boleh begitu.. behhhh yang napsu cowok yang disalahin ceweknya!), angka perkosaannya jauh lebih tinggi dibanding negara-negara lain.

2. Orang-orangnya pengen serba cepat, ga peduli dengan yang lain. Terutama dalam hal antri! Saya sering sekali diserobot orang. Pernah ni di suatu acara yang ada makan-makan prasmanan saya lagi antri trus ketemu temen lama. Jadi saya ngobrol dan nggak nyadar kalo orang di depan saya udah maju. Waktu saya nyadar, di depan saya sudah ada orang lain! Jadi saya langsung misuh deh. Trus pernah juga lagi ngantri diserobot orang lagi, sampe saya bilang saking emosinya: "Pantes Indonesia nggak maju-maju. Wong antri aja kaga bisa!"

3. Kalo di jalan buta warna. Itu iklannya rokok, tapi saya setuju banget. Kadang-kadang biarpun lampu udah merah, eh diterobos aja tuh.

4. Dasar negara Indonesia dari dulu itu: Bhinneka Tunggal Ika yang artinya Berbeda-beda tapi tetap satu jua. Jadi biarpun beda warna kulit, ukuran mata, suku bangsa atau ras dan agama, kan mustinya tetep rukun-rukun aje ya. Tapi sekarang ada kelompok-kelompok tertentu tuh pengennya semua sama. Sama suku bangsanya, sama warna kulitnya, sama agamanya, padahal justru yang beda itu lho yang bikin seru. Emangnya kenapa sih kalo beda?

5. Orang-orang di negara ini lebih suka ngebelain negara-negara yang belakangan ditemukan bahwa mereka sama sekali tidak membantu Indonesia di saat Indonesia sedang mengalami kesulitan (i.e.: tsunami, lumpur, etc). Bahkan ada negara yang berani terang-terangan meng-klaim budaya Indonesia jadi budayanya. Jadi negara-negara macam US, Australia, etc yang suka ngebantu kita kalo ketimpa musibah, malah dibenci tuh. Aneh kan?

6. Yang punya jalan bukan yang bayar pajak, tapi angkutan umum. Makanya kalo diitung-itung saya lebih sering berbuat dosa kalo lagi di jalan berkendara. Abisnya kadang-kadang bemo bisa tiba-tiba berhenti di jalan karena ada penumpang melambai.

7. Para perempuannya masih mau aja di-poligami. Emang cowok cuman satu??? Buka mata, buka hati dong!

8. Udah tahu tiap tahun tuh selalu banjir ehhh tetep aja yang dibangun mall muluuuuu. Kaga pernah ya mikir ngebangun taman/park gitu. Eh, tapi wong taman di Surabaya aja, dibangun bagus-bagus eh pengunjungnya kaga bisa ngerawat. Yang dijadiin tempat pacaran lah, temboknya dicoret-coret lah, lampunya diambil lah, sampah dibuang sembarangan lah.

9. Orang-orangnya kalo ngerokok jadi buta. Nggak peduli di gedung ber-AC kek, nggak peduli ada orang hamil kek, nggak peduli ada bayi ato anak-anak kek, yang penting mah mereka mo nyemburin asap ya nyemburin asap!

Nah... kalo saya terusin daftarnya nih... wah bisa nggak abis-abis! Kapan-kapan aja ye diterusin lagi. Hehehehehe. Ato ada yang mo nambahin?

Monday, 26 November 2007
3:08 pm

mengapa saya tidak suka sinterklas


Tanggal 1 Desember nanti, kantor saya mengadakan Natal untuk anak-anaknya pegawai. Saya berencana membawa Vinn ikutan acara itu karena oh karena... TIDAK ADA SINTERKLAS. Yup, saya satu dari sedikit orang yang tidak suka sinterklas. Mengapa oh mengapa? Gini nih ceritanya....

(musik mengalun, kembali ke masa lalu *ceilah*)

Saya sudah berdandan cantik *kata mami saya*. Baju kuning berenda, sepatu fantofel anak kecil kaus kaki selutut. Sebenarnya saya tidak suka baju saya, karena: 1. warnanya kuning; 2. berenda. Saya tidak pernah suka baju berenda. Bikin gatal dan gerah. Tapi mami saya sudah membelikannya dengan harga mahal jadilah saya pakai. Waktu itu, kami hendak pergi melihat sinterklas di gedung pertemuan. Yang saya tahu, gedung itu biasanya dipakai buat pesta pengantin. Mereka bilang, sinterklas itu didatangkan sebagai puncak acara Natal yang diadakan di gedung tersebut. Tidak seperti anak-anak lain, saya tidak pernah suka bertemu dengan sinterklas. Biarpun mami saya bilang, sinterklas itu baik hatinya dan suka bagi-bagi kado, tapi ada yang ia tidak tahu. Saya pernah diberitahu pembantu bahwa sinterklas hanya memberikan kado pada anak-anak yang baik alias tidak nakal alias tidak suka mengganggu adiknya. Lagipula, sinterklas selalu bepergian dengan orang-orang hitam yang biasa disebut swartepit *saya gak tahu ejaan yang benar*. Nah si swartepit ini suka bawa karung. Pembantu saya bilang, biasanya anak-anak yang nakal itu dimasukkan ke karung. Jadi sebenar-benarnya saya tidak suka sinterklas karena ia selalu ditemani para swartepit yang suka bawa karung! Sore itu, saya inginnnn sekali tidak ikut, tapi saya tidak mengatakannya pada mami saya. Jadi saya tetap ikut, namun sesampainya disana, saya tiba-tiba memutuskan untuk lari begitu melihat sinterklas berbadan besar itu dari kejauhan didampingi swartepit-swartepit dengan karung dan sapu lidi di tangan kanan kiri. Ide untuk melarikan diri itu tidak hanya di pikiran saja, ramainya tempat itu oleh orang-orang memudahkan saya memisahkan diri dari papi, mami, adik, dan emak saya untuk keluar dari gedung. Saya mau PULANG! Saya TIDAK MAU ketemu sinterklas dan orang-orangnya yang hitam! Saya TIDAK MAU dimasukkan ke karung biarpun saya suka sekali mengganggu adik saya. Untungnya waktu itu saya diikuti anak perempuan pendeta saya. Dia melihat saya jalan sendiri pulang dan mengikuti saya dari belakang untuk memastikan saya pulang dengan aman sampai di rumah. Kemudian, kata mami belakangan, mereka panik bukan main begitu melihat saya tidak lagi bersama dengan mereka. Dan tentu saja saya dimarahi karena pulang sendirian. Tapi saya tidak peduli, yang penting saya tidak ketemu sinterklas dan orang-orang hitam yang bawa karung dan sapu lidi itu....


(musik mengalun, kembali ke masa sekarang *ceilah*)

Nah lho pada nggak nyangka yak kalo jessie yang bisa so snappish ama om-om yang ngerokok di deket anaknya bisa takut sama sinterklas dan swartepit? Kalo sekarang saya ketemu ama sinterklas dan swartepitnya sih saya udah ga lari lagi. Palingan saya godain tuh, "Panas ya mas?" Hehehehehe. Tapi saya penasaran juga sih, kira-kira Vinn nurun dari saya ga ya konsep tentang sinterklas dan swartepit-nya itu, hehehehehe.

Anyway, sampai sekarang sebenernya saya masih ga suka sih dengan sinterklas, tapi bukan karena dia bawa swartepit, tapi karena dia berjanggut dan gendut! Basically, saya ga suka PRIA BERJENGGOT hehehehe *padahal papi saya berkumis tuhh...*. Makanya saya tidak pernah encourage erwin buat numbuhin kumis atau jenggot wehehehehehehe. Saya encourage dia buat ngecilin perut!

Jadi, karena Natal anak nanti ga pake sinterklas segala, ga papa kali saya bawa Vinn datang. *Tapi kalo ada sinterklas juga kaga apa-apa sih, kali Vinn ga nurun dari saya soal yang itu...*

Wednesday, 21 November 2007
1:51 pm

the angel's name is salmon

The angel's name is Salmon. Never heard about that? Neither did I, till one day I knew one.

The woman was walking so fast. She was a bit late already to go working. However, she looked quite pleased for herself. She had managed to prepare lunch for her 7,5-month baby yesterday evening. So the granny would just take the meal out from the refrigerator and reheat it in the microwave. Today's ingredients: potato, spinach and liver.

She stopped by to give morning greeting to the photocopy man. Actually, she quite rarely did what she did this morning. What she thought was that as far as she knew, the photocopy man was absent yesterday because he was ill. "Getting better, mister?" asked the woman.

"Who's getting better?" He asked the woman back.

"You," answered the woman, pretty bemused. "I thought you were ill yesterday."

"No. My son's. He was very ill yesterday because he ate too much spinach."

The woman stopped dead. "Sorry? Too much spinach??"

"Yes. Didn't you know that consuming too much spinach could be poisonous?"

She shook her head. "No, I had no idea about that."

"Oh, well, my wife gave too much spinach to my son. I was very angry at her yesterday. She just never listened to me! - " The photocopy man looked grumpy and jabbering away of his wife's carelessness.

The woman, yet seemed not to listen to him anymore. Then, right after he stopped talking, she interrupted to dismiss their conversation. She went into her office and after a few minutes she decided to ask her boss - a mother who has a 7-year-old daughter and 5-month-old baby - about the idea of poisonous spinach. The boss nodded her agreement. She said that spinach should not be reheated as well if you did not want to get poisoned. The woman felt worse. She no longer quite pleased for herself because she had prepared the lunch for her baby. She immediately made a call to her mother-in-law who was looking after her baby at that day. And what the mother-in-law said has made her feel worse. It turned out once you cook spinach, it should be eaten before 12 hours afterward. The woman then abruptly asked the mother-in-law not to give what she had prepared to her baby.

The baby... had been saved from a silly clumsiness of her mother. How on earth could that be?

The photocopy man at my workplace is called Salmon. Every morning, I pass in front of his room but never stop to chitchat with him. Only a short good morning for him. That day, I even did not have any clue why I stopped by and asked to him about his absence on the day before. One thing for sure, on that day, I believe, God might have sent an angel who borrowed his body to tell me before I might have made a big fat mistake to my baby.

My baby's name: Vinn Anselius Kristov Julistiono.
Vinn = Conquerer
Anselius = God's protection
Kristov = Christian
Julistiono = surname

Thank You, Jesus for protecting my son. I should know You really care for every single thing of us. Even the one which seemed so silly.

Friday, 16 November 2007
10:17 am

first a singer, then a cookie, now the beverages!!


I'm a wine.
You've got class up the ass-- and a minor air of pretentiousness to boot. It's important to you to know more than the other people in the room, but you try to achieve such status in an understated manor. Though people might be captivated by your sophisticated wisdom and ability to discuss philosophy for hours, that dash of egotism in your fancy wine glass can be a major turn off. You should be able to bring yourself down to the level of us common folk from time to time.
Actually I don't really fancy this drink. Oh, well, actually, I don't drink alcohol so much. Just in particular time in special occasion I'd love to sip some.


I'm an espresso.
I love this drink. Oh, well, actually any coffee will do as long as it is not too bitter and too sweet. Hot is better than cold.


I'm an orange crush
You're energetic and confident...you love summer and having fun with friends and family.
I love this drink as well. Anyone would like to treat me one?

So I'm the combination of the three drinks lahhh....

Wednesday, 14 November 2007
1:06 pm


i am a gingersnap! nyem nyem



Now, I am a cookie, hehehe, after what Bjork said about me. Here is the note.

You're sweet and kind, but never dull. Your flavorful personality and snappy style make a memorable first impression. Some people don't appreciate your spicy sense of humor, but your friends can't get enough of those witty wisecracks. You're smart, fresh, and totally tasty. Everyone wants a bite of you.

Nah, do me a favor. Is it true?

Wednesday, 14 November 2007
11:42 am

Bjork talks about me


We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like:
Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around

It's become a habit
A way
To start the day

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks

When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you


Wah... really?

Monday, 12 November 2007
3:45 pm

playboy kabel? ke laut aje!


Sabtu lalu, waktu saya lagi nyuapin Vinn snacknya *puding yoghurt, hmm nyem nyem*, saya iseng nonton tivi. Kali ini beneran iseng, karena sore-sore gitu ga tau acara yang bagus apa, dan jarang nonton tivi juga, terpencetlah tombol channel SCTV. Nah, acaranya tuh judulnya playboy kabel. Pada tau kayaknya ya acaranya tentang apa? Jadi tu acara didisain khusus buat mereka yang ga terlalu percaya ama pasangan (baca=pacar) mereka trus bikin plot dengan kru acara tersebut buat ngejebak pasangan mereka, apakah mereka setia ato gak. Sebenernya sih, saya ga setuju dengan konsep acara ini, bikin ga sejahtera gitu. Bayangin aja kalo kamu bener-bener setia, tapi pasangan kamu ga percaya kamu setia, sampe bikin plot segala macem buat ngejebak kamu, gimana sih perasaan kamu?

Nah, sabtu lalu ini, ceritanya ada seorang cewek, baru dua bulan jadian ama pacarnya, tapi si cewek ini mulai curiga karena pacarnya berubah. Yang dulu waktu pedekate suka tiba-tiba jemput dia kuliah, suka telpon... eh sekarang udah nggak lagi. Dia curiga pacarnya tuh ga setia. Jadilah cewek ini bikin plot dengan kru-nya playboy kabel (PK) buat make sure bener ga pacarnya nih masih cinta ama dia. Satu cewek didatangkan buat ngegodain cowoknya. Diajak ketemuan di sebuah resto, dan dimulailah flirting-flirting si cewek penggoda ini. Kalimat-kalimat kayak: "sebenernya aku cuma pengen ketemu kamu" atau "ada yang marah nggak kalo kamu jalan ama aku". Ujung-ujungnya si cowok bilang, "Nggak, nggak ada yang marah, blom punya pacar kok." Jreengggg.... Jujur aja seh, kalo aku jadi si cewek pelapor itu, aku pasti bakal marahhhh banget. Udah gitu, si cowok ini waktu ditanyain udah pernah punya pacar blom, jawabannya, "Dua bulan lalu putus." Si cewek penggoda balik bertanya, "Kok bisa putus? Pasti pacarnya cantik ya, abis kamu lucu begini." Trus cowoknya bilang, *klise banget, predictable* "Nggak sih. Cantikan kamu." Padahal menurut saya, ceweknya tu ga jelek-jelek amat. Dan selama percakapan dua orang ini, si cewek pelapor disuruh kru acaranya telpon-telpon nih cowok, yang jawabannya ga enak banget. Trus akhirnya, cewek ini menampakkan diri *kayak kuntilanak aja yak hihihihi* dan si cowok langsung reaktif gitu deh. Salah satu pembawa acaranya disiram air minumannya, langsung cabut sambil marah-marah ama cewek tersebut. Padahal ceweknya tuh bilang, kalo mo putus oke aja, tapi putusnya baek-baek, tapi ditinggal minggat aja tuh.

Sampe disini saya mikir, kira-kira yang menyebabkan ni cewek terima 'tembakan'nya cowok tadi kenapa ya, kok bisa ga ketahuan kalo ni cowok ga bener gitu lho. Eits... ya jelas ga bener dong, wong udah punya pacar kok bilang ama cewek lain ga punya pacar. Saya mikir, dia ketemu cowok ini dimana sih dan kenalnya udah seberapa dalem sampe dia mutusin cowok ini jadi pacarnya. Dulu *ceilah, nostalgia nehhh* waktu saya jadian ama cowok yang sekarang jadi suami saya, saya udah tau dia kayak apa. Bahkan sebelum kami pacaran tuh, saya akrab sama dia sebagai temen. Purely temen. Pas waktu itu saya jadi koordinator teater, dia jadi sutradara-nya. Dimulailah acara jemput-menjemput itu. Tapi ya itu tadi, waktu udah jadi temen pun, saya udah sedikit banyak tau dia kayak apa. Jadi buat saya, setelah jadian, saya ga terlalu kaget dengan dia. Ya kadang-kadang ada kagetnya juga sih, namanya juga karakter yang beda, latar belakang keluarga yang beda, ya lumrah aja kalo sedikit-sedikit ada gesekan. Tapiiii... yang mau saya omongin disini, saya suka heran sama orang-orang kayak cewek itu tadi. Waktu pedekate kenapa ga digunakan untuk cari tahu ni cowok modelnya kayak apa, kan bisa menghindari menghubungi
PK segala tuh. Saya juga heran sama mereka ya suka kawin cerai kawin cerai. Malah ada yang tiga kali kawin, tiga kali pula cerai. Alasannya cuman: udah ga cocok. Lah... emangnya pernikahan tuh menyocokkan dua orang? Enggak lah... pernikahan itu menyatukan dua orang yang berbeda. Ya jelas beda dong. Meskipun agama sama *ini penting!*, minat sama, karakter keduanya mirip, belum tentu ga pernah bertengkar lagi (apalagi yang agamanya beda yak? hehehehe). Makanya proses pedekate itu sama pentingnya dengan fase pacaran. Karena selama proses pedekate itu, keduanya bisa sama-sama identifying alias screening karakter dan latar belakang masing-masing. Kalau misalnya ada perbedaan dan masih bisa ditolerir *maksudnya ga prinsipil banget* ya go ahead. Tapi kalo sebenernya waktu pedekate udah keliatan ketidakcocok-tidakcocokan, tapi kemudian mengatasnamakan cinta dan perasaan trus jalan trus nekad kawin. Walah... ya ga usah kaget kalo kemudian ngerasa ga cocok trus pengen cerai. Kalo proses pedekate betul-betul dimanfaatin, kita ga perlu deh nyewa kru-nya PK untuk bikin plot ngejebak pacar kita segala macem. Ingat, to trust is one of the requirements to do when you are stepping on your love relationship. Bukan berarti saya ngomong gini terus saya ini ahli banget dan hubungan saya dengan suami mulus kayak jalan tol (jalan tol mah sekarang juga bisa macet dan bolong-bolong hohohoho), tapi kita sendiri juga belajar. Namanya learning by doing. Makanya saya bilang di judul saya: Playboy kabel? Ke laut aje! Karena sebenernya ga perlu kayak gituan kok. Respect each other, respect yourself. Si cewek yang ngelaporin juga dapet kesan jelek lagi, jangan-jangan ga ada cowok yang mau jadiin dia pacar lagi karena begitu dia ga percaya ama cowoknya trus diumumin deh ke seluruh indonesia (bukan seluruh dunia lah, wong ini acara lokal kok).

Oya, ada beberapa tips untuk fase sebelum pedekate juga loh. Jadi kan bisa lebih tersaring getu maksudnyaaaa....
1. Tertarik ama cowok/cewek di tempat-tempat kayak gereja, retreat (cinta lokasi waktu camp gereja ato retreat gitu gpp lohhhh), pokoknya jangan tempat-tempat untuk clubbing ato dugem gitu.
2. Kalo dari awal udah tau dia beda agama sama kamu, stop it! Ini berlaku untuk kamu dengan agama apapun. Kayak yang saya bilang diatas, wong agama sama aja blom tentu bisa cocok apalagi yang beda.

Btw, ini cuma opini lho, kalo ada yang ga setuju ya gak papa.


Monday, 12 November 2007
11:17 am

thank you



The big thing happened yesterday. Yet, I was not alone, and for it I can thank Him enough for giving me such lovely people around me.

Thank you, Kak Lisa, for listening to my endless stories.

Thank you, Yulan, for a cup of tea you made it up for me.

Thank you, Lydia, for your sensitivity to give me tissue to wipe my tears.

Thank you, Ika, for the chocolate bar you bought for me.

I am so thankful to have you all through this difficult time.

Friday, 9 November 2007 9:05 am

jessie berseru

And jessie cried out, "Help! Help! Please help me!!!"

Iya nih... tolongin jessie dong... jessie lagi cari pembantu, hehehehehe. Kirain ada apa yak, tapi seriously aye desperado banget nih.... Kasian begete mama mertua gueeeeee..... Maap ya, Mahhhhh.... jessie masih berusaha!!!!

Hiks... hiks....

Wednesday, 7 November 2007
8:26 am

a special request and an apology

For those, who really think that few or lots of my statements could be provoking and hurting, from the deepest of my heart, I crave a big apology to you. Really. I did not do it in purpose, it was just the way it is. And I would like to highlight that:

I'm truly happy with what I am, what I do, what I have, where I live, whom I live with. I love you all. I did not want to hurt your feeling. Yet, I even owe you much.

Special for you: your house may never be my home, but you've given us such a nice shelter and place to live at. Thank you so much.

I promise, I will be more carefully writing what I would like to write. I know any interpretation could lead the wrong way and it would not be your fault, it is mine.

Monday, 5 November 2007
11:46 am

TJ


I never expected this..., especially your face which appeared in my dreams. Dreams? Yes. It means you appeared more than once in one month.

The first took place in nowhere - in which you waved your hand to me from a distance.

The second took place in somewhere - in which there were only two of us sitting together, you holding my right hand. You said to me, "You are like the flying carpet in Alladin the movie. Flying from me."

The third took place in an atrium, a round space, like a very small colloseum, with people sitting around it and you were one of them. You looked at me, but I didn't, maybe because I was too busy holding my baby, Vinn. I would like to exit from the place, passing in front you. You stopped me and forced me to sit beside you. Then, you held my hand again.

I had no idea at all about you keeping on appearing in my dream. You are my past, anyway. The first one did not make me wondering. Dream is sometimes just a dream, isn't it? No meaning at all, is it? The second started to question me. Some friends teased me. They said I was probably missing you. Well, I did seek any news about you. It was your birthday on 14th of October, but I did not have a clue how to give you a call or a text just to say happy birthday. When the third came up, a friend told me to pray for you. Perhaps, somewhere out there, you did need help but no one came. Perhaps, somewhere out there, something happened to you. Perhaps, somewhere out there, it was you who were missing me.

So, I prayed. Even though I did not know what to pray. Even though I did not know where you are. However, I sincerely hope, whenever you are, whatsoever you do, God bless and protects you. If you read this posting, do not hesitate to contact me. I will be more than pleased to get any news from you.

Friday, 2 November 2007
2:32 pm

Vinn's journey

Dua belas hari lagi my baby Vinn udah delapan bulan lohhh, ga kerasa ya? Udah gitu, tambah hari tambah gemesin aja dia. Aku dulu betah bener di kantor, males pulang kost. Kalo pulang cepet tuh berarti aku harus ngelesin ato ada acara di gereja *ohhh masa-masa itu... betapa ku merindukannya*. Sekarang malah pengen cepet-cepet pulang. Jujur aja sih, sebenernya masih belum feel like going home. Yahh... namanya juga masih numpang mertua... Pada doain aku ya supaya duit renovasinya ada dan renovasi bisa cepet selesai sehingga bisa cepet pindah rumah hehehehe. Nah, tapi karena pengen cepetan ketemu Vinn, ya biasanya aku pulang cepet. Sekarang ini Vinn udah teratur banget kegiatannya. Paling nggak teratur biasanya hari Minggu karena harus pergi ke gereja.

Ini nih jadwal kegiatan Vinn selama weekdays:

5-5.30 am : "Ngeeekkk.. ngeekkk... wawawaawa...." Artinya dia haus, minta mimik, jadi biasanya jam segitu dia ngasi. Tapi kalo lagi unlucky ya kadang-kadang jam 4 atau 4.30 pagi dia minta mimik juga, jadi aku ngasi sambil ngantuk-ngantuk gitu hehehe. Abis itu dia tidur lagi.
6.30-7 am: Kalo udah ga ngantuk, dia buka mata trus mikir kali ya... "Kok sepi banget... yahhh daddy and mommy still sleeping, bikin rame ahhh....". Abis gitu, "Ngeeekkkk... ngeeekkkk wawawawawa..... hueeeeeee....." Padahal kaga ada apa-apa. Dia cuman mau bangunin daddy and mommy-nya ajah. Tapi sekarang mommy-nya bangun lebih pagi, karena harus siapin makan siang Vinn juga kan. Jadi jam segini dia bangun trus dimandiin mommy-nya.
7-7.30 am: Time to have breakfast!!!!! Breakfast-nya Vinn mah cuman biskuit ama air putih, kadang-kadang ditambah jeruk. Heran juga, kalo breakfast, makannya ga terlalu banyak tuh. Kayak orang bule aja ya. Mereka kan kalo breakfast cuman makan roti ama kopi doang ato cereal.
7.30-8 am: Mommy-nya berangkat kerja. Biasanya *menurut laporan nih*, Vinn maen2 bentar gitu lah. Apalagi dia sekarang udah ga bisa diem. Maunya gerak mulu. Yang mau crawling lah (yang ini namanya commando crawling, karena doi baru bisa angkat pantat trus maju tapi kepalanya masih ditaru trus nyundul-nyundul, lucuuuuu...), yang mau berdiri lah, yang mau pegang semua barang yang di dekatnya lah. Abis itu, kalo udah capek, doi tidur. Tidurnya bisa sampe jam 9-an gitu deh.

10-10.30 am: Morning tea!!!!!! Nyem nyem nyemmm.... udah beberapa hari ini, snack yang mommy sediain disikat abis ama Vinn. Mulai dari pisang, pear, pear rebus, apel rebus. Abissss.... doyan buah neh anakkk... Tapi kok kadang-kadang masih hard poo ya? Vinn ga terlalu doyan paw-paw sih... Nah, buah-buah ini biasanya ditambahin susu formula 120 ml (heran juga, padahal seumur dia seharusnya 180 ml, tapi suka nggak habis tuh kalo dikasi lebih dari 120 ml)
10.30 am-1 pm: Nah ini... waktu-waktu yang biasanya kombinasi antara napping dan playing.
1-1.30 pm: Lunchhhh.... Dulu tiap kali dibuatin lunch, Vinn musti ngomel waktu disuapin. Dan seringnya kudu yang sabarrrr banget biar makanannya abis, padahal porsinya ga banyak-banyak amat. Palingan dua sampe tiga sendok makan. Tapi sejak beli blender baru, trus nyobain resep-resep baru dari cicik ipar yang di aussie (jadi menunya baby aussie nih... bukannya nggaya lhooo abis jauh lebih gampang daripada bikin menu buat baby-nya orang indo), juga panduan buku, akhirnya sodara-sodara, lunch yang aku sediain dilalap abis pula oleh Vinn. Haduh haduh... ga keru-keruan deh perasaan ini... antara seneng dan bangga. Wah wah wah....

1.30 -4 pm: Playing lagi trus bobok bentar. Abis itu nunggu mommy pulang kerja, hehehehehe.
4-4.30 pm: Mommy pulang kerjaaaa... hurrayyyyy!!!! Mandeeeee biar segerrrrrr.
4.30-5 pm: Kalo mommy ga pulang telat trus cuacanya bagus, biasanya jalan-jalan di deket perumahan situ sama Vinn. Say hi to neighbours, biar Vinn juga liat-liat ada temen-temen diluar sana yang bisa diajak kenalan, hehehehehe. Padahal selama ini tiap kali diajak jalan-jalan mah jarang banget ketemu bayi seusia Vinn. Biasanya toddler ato malah teen. Yang lalu malah ada emak-emak keluar sambil tereak-tereak dari dalam rumahnya panggil-panggil. Aku pikir dia panggil-panggil tukang roti yang lewat, ternyata manggil aku. Dia pengen liat Vinn. Udah beberapa kali kita lewat depan rumahnya, dia mo panggil ga sempet mulu. Dia bilang Vinn lucu dan ganteng *ini katanya lhooo bukan kata mommy-nya*, udah gitu nyenengno. Lha wong diajak ngomong orang asing ga nangis blassss. Ada khawatirnya juga sih... lha kan sekarang lagi musim penculikan anak tuh... bahaya kan?? Aduh, jangan deh, Tuhannn... bisa stress berat akuuu.
5-5.30 pm: Playing with mommy in our bedroom (tapi kadang-kadang ngasi juga sih, buat snacking, kan jarak waktunya panjang tuh dari lunch ke dinner)!!! Biasanya Vinn aku biarkan diatas ranjang. Mau jungkir balik kek, mau commando crawling kek, mau duduk kek. Tapi yang istimewa sih sekarang doi dipegang tangannya tau-tau udah berdiri. Tapi kalo ditaruh di box-nya, dia baru bisa setengah berdiri sambil pegangan pinggirannya box. Kalo ditaruh berdiri, dia bisa berdiri sendiri beberapa detik, eh, udah semenitan kemaren kok... hehehehhehe.
5.30-6 pm: Nah ini... biasanya waktu-waktu gini bikin Vinn ngomel dan boring, karena mommy-nya harus siapin dinner buat Vinn dan lunch Vinn keesokan harinya. Jadi Vinn suka takbiarin duduk di high-chair kadang-kadang ditemenin mbak-nya ato granny-nya sambil nonton Avatar di tivi. Pokoknya ga boleh sinetron!
6-6.30 pm: It's my dinner!!!! Kalo dulu maem aja bisa ngomel sepanjang waktu maem, sekarang lap lep lap lep... nyemmmmmm uenakkkk... mommy pinter masak juga ya.. bwahahahaha padahal masak makanannya Vinn tu gampang banget. Tinggal potong2, rebus, kasih dikitttt banget garam - yang beryodium ya.. jangan garam desa (particular recipe lho ya...) ato kasi keju (particular recipe juga), trus di-blend ato di-mash. Vinn kalo maem gitu bisa keringetannn aje gile... sampe aku kasihan ngeliatnya. Mommy-nya aja kalo makan pedes banget ga sampe keringetan, tapi yang ini mah kayaknya nurun dari daddy-nya kali... Daddy-nya kalo maem juga keringeten.

6.30-7.30 pm: Cooling down.... Ganti baju (karena biasanya belepotan banget meskipun udah pake bib) sekalian pake nappy dan pajama, trus nurunin makanan. Maen-maen ama daddy-nya.

7.30-8 pm: Minta ama mommy-nya karena mulai ngantuk tapi blom mau bobok.
8-8.30 pm: Mulai ngantuk, rewel trus minta ngasi. Aneh ya? Padahal maemnya lumayan banyak lho... tapi kalo mo bobok kudu asi dulu, kalo ga, ga mungkin bobok. Tapi kalo udah bobok ya sampe pagi. Paling-paling malem-malem gitu bangun cuman pengen mimik dikit karena haus.
8.30-9 pm: Mulai tidur deh...
9 pm keatas: Sepiiiiiii!!! Tinggal berdua dengan daddy-nya. Waktu buat ortu!!! Bwahahahaha. Phew! Kalo udah gini, legoooo gitu dehhhh....

Oya, gigi Vinn sekarang udah dua, muncul di gusi bawah. Hehehehe. Lucu banget! Kayak kwaci! Bedanya ini putih, kalo kwaci kan item. Karena ada giginya itu, kadang-kadang tanganku digigit, sendok makan juga digigit, kalo dimasukin suka sulit keluar karena digigit itu, hehehehe. Tapi Vinn udah ga mau teether-nya. Biasanya kalo dikasi teether cuma bentar doang, abis itu dibuang cari yang lain. Udah tau kali ya kalo itu boong-boongan, kaga bisa dimakan. Waktu itu malah Vinn aku kasi roti tawar! Gara-garanya dia liat aku maem roti tawar trus mukanya mupeng gitu sampe ngiler. Jadi aku kasi, trus ada sepotong kecil masuk mulutnya, dimaem, dikunyah-kunyah gitu trus ditelen. Untung ga choking.

Vinn juga udah mulai berdiri sendiri. Waktu itu granny-nya lagi goda-godain Vinn di atas ranjang. Trus tangan Vinn mencengkeram rambut granny-nya kuat-kuat, trus berdiri dehhh. Granny-nya sampe terbengong-bengong gitu, kombinasi antara kesakitan karena rambutnya ditarik ama Vinn supaya dia bisa berdiri dan kaget karena liat cucunya berdiri sendiri untuk pertama kalinya. Sekarang kalo Vinn berdiri trus dua tangannya aku pegangin, kakinya udah mulai belajar stomping. Ga tau belajar dari mana.

Babble-nya Vinn juga udah banyak. Kadang-kadang: bbbrrrrrr... gaga... mbmbmbmb... heeeeeee (yang ini ditengah-tengah itu nadanya ditinggikan trus akhirnya direndahkan, ini biasanya terjadi kalo tingkat kebosanannya dia udah mulai tinggi) dedede, aoo, trus yang bikin sakit hati, dia udah dua kali bisa bilang: hediiii... (yang pertama ga sengaja, yang kedua emang beneran dia mo panggil daddy-nya). Tuh kan... daddy-nya dulu yang dipanggil. Padahal kan dia lebih banyak sama mommy-nya. Hiks...
Wah udah deh... ngomongin Vinn tu ga bakalan habis.. alhasil ntar aku juga jadi ga kerja-kerja hohohohoho. Pokoknya... I'm a happy mom with a happy little lad!!!! Thank You, Lord for giving me such a wonderful boy!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2007
9:51 am

mad maids


Now, let's consider this. I am now employed as Coordinator of Training and Web at my workplace. My main job is to make sure that students who really seek to graduate with extra supporting skills are well trained in our monthly program. I have conducted lots of trainings which have discussed issues such as leadership, public speaking, how to survive in the occupational world, assertiveness, etc. However, up to now, I have had two maids already in five months and both of them ended up to resign. The third (current one) is nearly at the end of her spirit, which means there have already signs from her to resign soon. The first one resigned because she could not manage with my mother-in-law's maid (she is a tough and smart girl actually, but sometimes could be very annoying and moody). The second one, as mentioned in the previous posting, resigned because she did not really enjoy looking after a busy baby like mine. The third one (the current one) is a 14-year-old girl with a rather small body. She is just ok to work out her tasks, but I don't know, maybe she is too young to work as a maid in a big city like Surabaya. I mean, as a matter of fact, she should continue her education, anyway. She dropped out her high school to work for me. I did not ask her, do not misunderstand, she offered herself, but now... . It is just ironic, isn't it? My main job is to conduct trainings of how to survive in occupational world, while my own maids could not survive in their occupational world. It is just... weird and mad. I am almost sick to again and again waste my time teaching another new maid about their tasks. I desperately need one who likes her job and does not intend to work in few weeks or months only!

But... I think, to get the right one, I have to wait till I move in to my own house. Do you agree?

Tuesday, 30 October 2007
10:09 am

my problems vs my Creator

These last weeks seemed unfriendly with me. It was like you were stuck with something but you could not help it. You had to face it, tougher, better. I thought I was tough, but now I think I am not. And I felt nobody was there - even my hubby. Oh well, please do not misunderstand, I am not intending to tell you how bad my hubby treated me, no. I am not blaming the condition of my business as a mother who has to look after a busy baby like Vinn as well. It's just... me.

I had been quite stressful lately. Few weeks ago, our church held a week of family (pekan keluarga). This event was opened with a play by Imaji theater, in which I actively involved sometimes as a script provider and a player. This time, I got a chance to play on stage for it. As a matter of fact, I knew already the consequence of it. There would be exhausting days to rehearsal and it would not be easy at all for me. Sometimes I was forced to leave Vinn at home to go to the rehearsal which made me not really focus on the rehearsal. And the bad effect was that after playing my part, I asked Erwin to come home immediately. One day, one of the players had her birthday. My friends planned to give a little surprise for her. They bought a cake and candles for each one of us. The surprise would be taken place right after the rehearsal, which meant around 10.30 pm. I decided not to join them because I just wanted to come home as soon as possible to make sure that Vinn was fine and I thought I was not really close with the birthday girl. Erwin, on the other hand, actually wanted to stay for several minutes to join to give the surprise for her. He was quite upset on the way home. He said, I was changed. I no longer cared with my friends, because he thought I used to be the one who loved those kinds of occasions. I was mad when he said that at the time. I was tired, I was worried of Vinn and I wanted to come home, what's wrong of that? But then, at home, after Vinn was asleep and I was no longer under pressure, I was thinking about what Erwin said about me - that I had been changed into a indifferent creature after all. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had been changed. And I had to confess that the news made me feel worse about myself.

A few weeks later, my maid gave me another problem. She asked to resign and would not come back after lebaran. I actually liked this girl. She was diligent, helpful and patient. She was also never being impolite or something. Yet, she did not really enjoy looking after a baby. So, she was back to her hometown and lived with her parents again and did not mind looking after their cow. Sigh.... I asked her to come back, but she had made her decision. Then, I asked my mother-in-law (MIL)'s maid to come back with someone from her hometown who is willing to work for me looking after Vinn during my working hours. I was too afraid not to get a new maid after all. And I hated to be afraid of not-getting-a-new-maid-would-be-a-big-deal-for-me. I do not want to be dependent with a maid in looking after my baby, but I indeed need one.

Then, during the lebaran holiday (my hubby got eight-days-off and I a week-off), I was again stuck at home doing the houseworks and looking after my baby who's got cold for a few days. This was the first time for both of us (me and my baby) to struggle together dealing with his sickness. Vinn's got fever in two days, and in the following day, he started to cough and sneeze, which led me to force him swallowing a bitter powder to recover his cold and a tasteless syrup to reduce his cough. Somehow I was tired and wanted to give up, but thank goodness, I was keeping on it. Vinn was getting better as well and today his health had already recovered.

At work, I have been grappling with this month's career article which has to be finished by next Monday. I never thought that writing an article after doing the interview will be this desperate. I usually write a short-story or a journal, but this.... has made me burnt out after all. I mean, four paragraphs only in four days? I must be crazy....

At home, I could not avoid another problems. It seems like problems never stop to chase me out.

However, in the tough weeks, nearly at the end of my serious fatigue, last Monday my boss (I work in the same room with my boss) played the same song over and over. The title of the song is 'Kaulah harapan' (You are the hope). Here is the refrain:

Kupandang wajahMu dan berseru, pertolonganku datang dariMu
(I look at Your face and cry out, the help comes from You)
Peganglah tanganku, jangan lepaskan, Kaulah harapan dalam hidupku
(Hold my hand, never let me go, You are the hope in my life)

I have brought the tune of the song to home and unintentionally hummed that song over and over again. On the following day I was asked to lead a staff fellowship last Tuesday. The topic was taken from the book of 'The Purpose of Driven Life' by Rick Warren, which was called: Developing Your Friendship with God. For you who have finished this book, please do not laugh at me because yes, I haven't finished this book. And you know what, by reading the chapter of it, I knew why I was nearly fatally burnt out. I did not develop my friendship with God, actually I even did not try to reach Him every time I should need Him. The reading told me that I have a privilege to be God's friend and more than that, a friend who can actually complain, be angry, accuse or even grumble to Him. I did not take the privilege. I have lost the passion of having relationship with Him. That explained of me being stressful lately - like having no tomorrow nor better day either. Besides, on the very same day, I read the Daily Bread in http://www.sabda.org/ and the title of the day was 'Teruslah Tertawa' (Keep on Laughing). Underneath, there was a quote: SUKACITA DATANG DARI TUHAN YANG HIDUP DALAM DIRI KITA BUKAN DARI SESUATU YANG TERJADI DI SEKITAR KITA (Happiness comes from God who lives in us, not from things that happen around us). It was like being slapped. I was desperately burnt out because every single thing that happened around me and my worst mistake has been that I DID NOT ASK GOD TO HELP ME THROUGH THESE PROBLEMS!! As though it was not enough to help me out through my problems, God gave another passage to comfort me. Today's passage was taken from Psalm 42 and I would like to highlight verse 11: Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Yes, for me the whole problems which had chased me out are a matter of hope. I no longer have full hope in Him. All I do lately is worried, worried, worried and worried. It was like I did not trust Him to look after us. It was like for weeks I had let the problems overcome me and shielded me from His nurture. Erwin was right. I had changed. I used to happy all the time with all I am and let no problems overcome me longer than one day. Yet, these difficult weeks led me to finally find out how far I have been to Him. I do not like to confess that Jessie is now no longer a happy girl but at least I am more than willing to return to me naturally.

Dear Father, thank You for every single thing You have done to make me realize that I can still come to You, hope of You and trust You to look after me and my beloved people. Amen.

Friday, 26 October 2007
3:10 pm

to: my sister as well as bestfriend

Surabaya, 30 September 2007

Dear you,

I sincerely hope you read this posting. Not because this posting would be an interesting writing for you nor a good literature, but I simply want to say something which I should have done last week. I know you sometimes drop by and read my journals even though I sometimes does not expect much for many people to read my blog. However, I am now glad you do that.

You knew, happy as I was when they asked me to be the MC on that day and happy as I was too when I knew you would be one of my partners again yesterday night. I knew too well that you are very talented in that way. Yet, I had to say that I was disappointed of what you did. I was disappointed because I did not expect you to do that. I thought you knew that it was not a good thing to do especially in that special occasion. I thought you knew that doing what you did could be the biggest mistake ever you might have done. I thought you knew that you had to be prepared when you said 'yes' for doing that. I thought you KNEW - after all we had been through together.

Oh well, I knew that you had a problem at that time - maybe a SUPER-BIG problem which made you unable to give your smile to everyone. You know what, I did also have problems, but I CHOSE to act that everything was fine - that I was really prepared for that time. You could call me hypocrite but at least by doing that, I did not make everyone upset of me. And it made me feeling better, anyway. A little sincere smile can change the world to be a better place, do you believe that? It occurs vice versa - that a frowned face can also change the other people's mood. This world has been bad enough without you making it worse to live at.

I heard you snapped at someone at that time - that you were being moody (and perhaps that is one of your temperament), and so what? Should you have expressed that frowned face? Get over it. Having known your details of temperaments cannot be an excuse, mate! I noticed that you have smiled already the next few days when you're doing the same thing you did last Saturday, but time never returns. People who came yesterday night maybe are always under the impression that you are not a pleasant individual to make friend with, while actually I think of the other way around. I think you are pleasant enough to be a friend. That's why I call you a sister as well as best-friend.

Maybe you're angry to me when you read this posting, but I do not care, I know you will consider it. I write this posting not because I want to say bad things about you, but because I simply love you.

You are in the leader position, mate and it is not easy, but I know you can do it. You are not alone. HE be with you. Always. Me too.

with lots of love,
your sister

Thursday, 4 October 2007
4:18 pm